Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
