fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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