About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
