It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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