he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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