he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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