ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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