I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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