you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
