Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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