I don't usually arrange sex via text message
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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