Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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