did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize