I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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