You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
