somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize