I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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