it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
