I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
