Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
