But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
