VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
