thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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