Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She's like a pop up book from hell.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
