You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
