so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize