she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
