But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
