There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
