Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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