Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
