I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
