We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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