After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
