you traded sex for a burrito?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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