im gay
i know
yea but for you.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
