just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
