he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
