Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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