I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
