in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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