Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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