i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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