Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
