i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
