There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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