Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
