you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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