I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
