...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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