Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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