You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
