People in love make me want to vomit
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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