Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
