Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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