YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize