It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
