i need an iv and a liver transplant
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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