Don't make out with my wife yet
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
