a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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