is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
