I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
