Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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