It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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