At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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