You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize