i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
